Giraffe Milk Is Kosher
Graphic by Angelie Zaslavsky
NEWS ITEM: An Israeli rabbi, an authority on kashrut, declared that giraffe milk is kosher. Said he: “The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk that forms curds strengthened that.” The rabbi based his ruling on a recent finding by researchers at Bar Ilan University who had taken a milk sample while treating an ailing giraffe.
Imagine milking a giraffe!
The sight’s enough to make one laugh!
Can there be someone who delights
In striving for such absurd heights?
The milk is now proclaimed as safe,
Which means glatt kosher, pure, not treyf.
Whoever thought, or dreamt, or heard
That this secretion formed a curd?
May Providence, we humbly pray,
Illumine still another whey!
But let’s avoid unseemly haste,
First take a sip! How does it taste?
This animal, it must be said,
Is mammal — and a quadruped.
Like other creatures of its ilk,
It lactates liquid we call milk.
To stimulate the fluid-flow,
One lends a hand, on tippy-toe.
By gazing upward, might a guy
Get squirted in his open eye?
Such incidents could cause travail
That goes (who knows?) beyond the pail.
To expedite the milking deal
Perhaps the animal could kneel.
This sight would really be quite rare:
A beast that’s seemingly at pray’r!
Were sages really wise to preach
Man’s grasp should not exceed his reach?
Oysmelkn ken men a zhiraf?
Der moyekh zogt tsu unz: S’iz tough!
Di hoykhenish iz a problem,
Der nopl iz vayt avek (ahem!)
Di milkh iz yetst derklert nit treyf,
Der rebbe zogt der sheid iz safe.
A curd farmogt es — gantz O.K.!
Shray nit “gevald,” shray nit “oy whey”!
Nor hot di milkh a Yidishn tam?
Tsi hot es a geshmak vi sam?
Di gantse zakh iz a pshetl,
Do meynt a tempest in a kettle!
Di khaye mit dem langn fis
Gantz ruik iz, un oykhet zis.
Zi zeltn makht a tsore, fuss,
Un oykhet iz herbivorous!
A man muz oyf di tsipkes shteyn
Tsu kvetshn milkh (vanilla, plain).
Di flisikeit kumt vi a blits:
Zayn oyg ken krign aza shprits!
Nor shtel ir oyfn kni aher,
Der emer’z demolt hart by ir.
Far tsutrit tsu der muter’s brust,
Tsu makhn zikh vi a kalb du muzst!
It’s our birthday and we’re still celebrating!
We hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, we’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s independent Jewish news.
This week we celebrate 129 years of the Forward. We’re proud of our origins as a Yiddish print publication serving Jewish immigrants. And we’re just as proud of what we’ve become today: A trusted source of Jewish news and opinion, available digitally to anyone in the world without paywalls or subscriptions.
We’ve helped five generations of American Jews make sense of the news and the world around them — and we aren’t slowing down any time soon.
As a nonprofit newsroom, reader donations make it possible for us to do this work. Support independent, agenda-free Jewish journalism and our board will match your gift in honor of our birthday!
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
