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Shmuley Boteach
Chabad in Trouble?
Writing in The Jerusalem Post, former Chabad emissary turned media personality Rabbi Shmuley Boteach expresses concern for the current state of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement:
Chabad is by now the most effective Jewish educational organization in history, and no movement works harder for the Jewish people or caters to more unaffiliated Jews.
But success has brought the usual challenges. Chabad emissaries are becoming more ego-driven and territorial, too often bickering with one another. A seemingly incessant spate of court battles should serve as a wake-up call.
In Crown Heights, the official Chabad leadership seems engaged in permanent litigation with — mostly — Chabad messianic forces, for the soul of Lubavitch. Nearly all of it takes place in mainstream rather than Jewish courts, making them highly public affairs.
In London, an ugly public battle ousted one of the heads of Chabad UK of the past half-century. Sydney, Australia witnessed another ugly public battle for the control of Chabad institutions.
These are just a few examples. The press has reported on many more in places as far away as Russia, Ukraine and Israel.
Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Says Self-Satisfaction ‘Is Not the Solution’
Dear Rabbi Boteach,
The issue that I need help with is as follows: I have been married for two years, and my wife complains that I don’t last long enough. Now, it has reached a point where she doesn’t want to have sex anymore because she says it’s not worth her while.
I realize that I may have a premature ejaculation problem, but I don’t know how to cure it. She suggests that I masturbate say an hour or two beforehand so that I will last longer during the act, but this seems problematic to me from a halachic point of view. On the other hand, one has to satisfy his wife, too. This has led to tension between us as she says I am choosing halachic doctrines over her, etc.
Are there leniencies in cases such as this? Are there other methods of solving the problem? What advice or help can you offer?
I have read some of your books and think it’s great that you have written about such topics. It’s truly difficult to speak to a “regular” rabbi about these issues.
Thanks in advance.
STICKY SITUATION
Rabbi Boteach replies:
‘The Single Most Effective Non-Jewish Exponent of Judaism in the Entire World’
Who is it? According to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, it’s his longtime friend, Newark Mayor Cory Booker. Writing in The Jerusalem Post, Boteach tells the story (which, granted, he’s told many times before) of his friendship with Booker.
The prompt for this iteration is, apparently, that Booker called up Boteach last week, because he was headed to the grave of the late Lubavitcher rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson. Apparently, a Jewish friend was getting married, and the Newark mayor thought it would be a good idea to give his pal a spiritual Jewish experience.
The article’s worth reading for the small window it provides on the passionate philosemitism of an exciting young leader. Booker, it seems, is so enamored with Jews that Michael Steinhardt enlisted him to speak to a gathering of hundreds of Birthright Israel alumni. “A great many participants later said that Cory’s speech was life-transforming as he quoted from the Bible in the original Hebrew and from the Talmud in Aramaic,” Boteach writes.
Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Tackles a Conversion Conundrum
Dear Rabbi Boteach,
Thirty-plus years ago I converted to Judaism; this has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
I have a troubled relationship with my brother and his wife; religion is among the many differences my wife and I have with them. We’ve reached a reasonable, arm’s-length relationship. For business reasons my brother and sister-in-law moved halfway across the country; their son still lives in the same city with us. A few years ago my nephew married. Our new niece comes from an intensely family-oriented culture; because we live in the same city, they have initiated a close relationship with my wife and me. We have no children of our own, so our new relationship has been an unexpected joy for us. My wife and our niece have become particularly close.
Recently our niece announced that if they have children, they want to raise the children as Jews. I felt honored, humbled and horrified at this. This seems to be more a hypothetical than a real prospect, but one can never tell.
How should we react? I am extremely honored that they find our religion compelling, but this brings a whole new meaning to “converting for the sake of the children,” since neither of them have any connection to Judaism other than through us. I have told my niece that if she wants to raise the children as Jews, she would have to convert and make a Jewish home. No rabbi would convert a kid with no Jewish heritage living in a non-Jewish home. She has indicated that that would be acceptable, but I don’t see any serious interest or movement in that direction.
If they found our religion compelling for themselves, I would be extremely pleased. But it seems almost as if raising a hypothetical child as Jewish would be a way to get us to share in parental duties, and to give their child access to a culture that they admire but show no great interest in for themselves. If they were to go through with this, it would not be a decision accepted with any joy by my brother and sister-in-law. I’m sure they would see this as our appropriating their son and his family.
I should add that we have not been proselytizing. They see that we go to shul most Saturday mornings, they have come to two of our Seders, she has come to shul with us once to see my wife leyn Torah. But we have never indicated to them that they would be more precious to us if they were Jewish.
Should we actively discourage them from this notion? Or should we just hope the issue never arises?
CONVERSION CONUNDRUM
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach replies:
Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach on Keeping the Faith in Dating
Dear Rabbi Boteach,
Our family is… I guess we’re a little bit of everything — from Reform to Orthodox. I grew up without any affiliation and sent my own kids to a Chabad school. The trick is I’m married to a gentile, who lives more Jewishly than anyone else in my family. Our two oldest children (15 and 18) are fighting with me about wanting to date non-Jews. My husband supports the rule that they can only date within the faith, but my sister, father and others think I’m being unfair. We sent our kids to Jewish day schools until high school (none available) and feel it’s very important that they keep the faith. How do I make them understand, and not seem like a hypocrite? How do I tame the teens and still maintain the rules?
DO AS I SAY…
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach replies:
