NEWS ITEM: Hamodia, an English-language newspaper geared toward an ultra-Orthodox readership, refuses to print photos of women. The editors contend that doing so would violate Jewish laws governing modesty.
“Thou shalt not show the female form!”
For uptight Jews, this is the norm.
“No pics of women are allowed,”
Asserts this anti-Playboy crowd.
To reproduce a pretty face
Is tantamount to sheer disgrace.
A smile, a frown, a scowl, a squint?
The female face ain’t fit to print!
Please tell us why it’s such a shame
To print the photo of a dame.
Would macho readers be inflamed
And thereby rendered guilty, shamed?
Would it be wrong — or maybe right —
The photo of a trans-ves-tite?
(Is “she” a “he,” is “he” a “she”?
A vexing ambiguity!)
Hillary, Golda, Bhutto, too —
Their faces should be kept from view?
(It’s vital, too, reporting news,
To Shia with Sunni not confuse!)
Let’s clarify those arcane rules:
Do they pertain to “animules”?
A pic of Lassie is a sin,
But not a shot of Rin Tin Tin?
Don’t dare their photographs to switch,
‘Cause one depicts a brazen bitch!
A ship’s referred to as a “she”:
Would showing ships breach modesty?
Just who devised this fearsome stricture,
Keeping femmes out of the picture?
Those zealous censors are inclined
To banish half of humankind!
Effacement is a brutal act,
It’s anti-human, that’s a fact!
“Tsayg nisht dem kerper fun a froy,
“Dos iz a groyse kharpe, oy!
“Farbotn iz a bild fun min!”
(Dos meynt, a photo feminin.)
Azoy derklern konservatorn
Mit oyfrikhtikeyt durkh ale yorn.
Fotografye fun di froyen
Iz bay zey a hoypt bizoyen.
Fun vanet kumt aza diktat?
Der klal iz efsher misbegot?
Zey hobn moyre aza bild
Vet makhn mener kimat vild!
Trans-ves-tayt photo? vayz es nisht!
Di leyeners veln zayn tsemisht!
A bild fun Hillary? s’iz treyf!
A bild fun Golda? neyn (play safe!)
Azoy shrayen di kanoim:
“S’iz a shande far di goyim!”
A vaybl’s ponim muz zayn hidden!
Oygn? Shtern? Bakn? alts forbidden!
Es iz gantz klor: folg nor dem klal!
Farmayd di pastke seksuel!
Freg yetst a frage fun Bezdin:
A khaye vos iz feminin
Meg in a bild opdrukn zayn?
(Dos iz a frage asinine!)
Der kelev, Lassie, oy oys-shlis,
Zi iz a klafte mit fir fis!
Der ander kelev, Rin Tin Tin?
Arayntsulozn! (vayl maskulin!).
A shif vos iz derkent az “zi”
Iz problematish — zi’z a she!
Hamodia, du host groys zeal,
Nor efsher just a bit tsufil?
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Pure genius!
Wake up, the editor-in-chief of Hamodia is a woman, Ruth Lichtenstein. She is setting the rules, in concert with the guidance of the Gerrer Rebbe. If you don't get the standards of the Orthodox community, buy the Times. Or the Forvertz!
that's funny!
I find the policy to be silly, but the tone of this editorial piece to be offensive. The Forward also presumably has standards that might seem reactionary to some. One could report on this issue, or even editorialize on it if it were truly newsworthy, which I question. But to lob mocking insults against a newspaper that upholds its community's standards, or at least how its publisher interprets them, is childish and unprofessional.
So, the editor's name is Lichtenstein? She must have said to her husband when they met: "Herr Lichtenstein, lassen Sie meine Hosen sein!" "Herr Lichtenstein, lassen Sie ..." "Herr Lichtenstein ..." "Herr Lich- ..." "Herrlich! Herrlich!"
(Translation:) "Mr. Lichtenstein, leave my pants alone!" She gasps in ever shorter sentences before ending in "Herrlich!" (wonderful.) A pun in German.
Very colorful and astute. Was it written by a woman?! Loved it.
Ruth, you stole my words! This is a brilliant peice, despite I guess potentially being a tad hypocritical as Michael so rightly pointed out. However it does still raise some valid points I think. I've never quite understood why having the male species spread over mediums of various types is some how considered entirely acceptable, but the female species some how raises questions of morality. Is the male species really so altogether ugly that no women will EVER 'fantisise' and fall into 'sin'?!? Of course, it's an age old debate which I doubt will ever find any form of conclusion!
Very funny and well put, and by the way Yehudis: as Jews we have the right to speak out about the idoicy we see. Just as much right as you have to act like one.
oops..."idiocy"
Fantastic, although I find the use of the word "b*tch" a bit offensive.