It’s all about the unaffiliated. Ask anyone who runs a Jewish not-for-profit, and she’ll tell you: Success is measured in terms of how many “unaffiliated” Jews you get to “affiliate” — whether with Jewishness, Judaism or, at the very least, the latest program, trend or synagogue-outreach initiative. Organizations that don’t focus on the unaffiliated have a lot of trouble getting funded; those that do, even if they do so in highly debatable ways, often find generous supporters.
But what if the unaffiliated are right?
The usual narratives of The Unaffiliated Jews (that is, everyone except that minority of Jews who join synagogues or other institutions, from the merely apathetic to atheist children of mixed-faith couples, rebellious X-Os — ex-Orthodox — to parents who quit synagogue after their kids’ bar mitzvahs) run like this: They didn’t have the right education; they haven’t been shown an enthusiastic Judaism; they haven’t been to Israel. And as a result of these privations — unaffiliated Jews are defined by what they lack — they don’t join our clubs.
But many unaffiliated Jews are actually quite affiliated. Instead of merely associating with their Jewish community, they’ve joined cultural organizations, political organizations, professional organizations — not to mention other religious groups and, dare we admit it, the mainstream of American society. They’ve become Leonard Bernsteins and Lisa Loebs, Michael Bloombergs and Barbara Boxers. They are cosmopolitan Jews, outward facing, caring less about the tribe than about the wider world.
And maybe they’re right.
Of course, many unaffiliated Jews simply haven’t been exposed to what Judaism has to offer, except perhaps for the most risible of clichés and ossified rituals and dogmas. But let’s consider those who have — and have simply chosen otherwise. Isn’t it fair to question whether a strong sense of “identity,” particularly one connected with religion and ethnicity, is such a good idea in the multicultural 21st century? Is the best way for us all to get along really for each of us to take special pride in an aspect of the self that separates and differentiates? Sure, in the best-case scenarios, it’s possible to rejoice in one’s own ethnicity/religion/nation/peoplehood while not denigrating others; this is the idea of the “gorgeous mosaic” as opposed to the melting pot. But more often, any line that divides begins to conquer.
Now, as with Jewish anti-nationalists who just so happen to focus on one of the most vulnerable nations on the planet, one certainly could argue that while identity should be cast aside, or at least diluted, let’s not start with the embattled, disappearing Jews. Fair point. But one also could argue, as professors Jonathan and Daniel Boyarin have, that Jews are uniquely situated to construct a post-“identity” identity, because we’ve been doing so for the past 300 years. Jews have arguably created post-national identity, post-ethnic identity and post-religious identity. We even, at our mystical best, create a post-personal identity, as well, as the ani (I) merges with the ayin (Divine emptiness). So, if not us, whom?
Second, isn’t it often the case that by building a sense of “Jewish identity,” we turn our backs on some of the personal and social richness of being a cosmopolitan, 21st-century, net-surfing, iPod-mixing postmodern citizen of the world? When we choose familiarity over quality, aren’t we often settling for mediocre parochialism? Sure, the real, crazy, boundaryless world is de-centering, dizzying and sometimes bewildering. But it’s also exhilarating. I love hearing Senegalese music, Amerasian poetry, and talk of post-colonial politics — preferably all at the same time. And while I also love contributing my queer, Jewish, Buddhist, law-professor-kabbalist-poet flavors into that mix, I don’t want to shut out other ingredients in order to put mine in. In today’s world, sometimes affiliating carries its own costs.
Third, maybe the unaffiliated are seeing through our community’s well-financed publicity games, and seeing that there’s no there there. Jewish organizations are now tripping over themselves to repackage, market, dilute and otherwise sanitize Judaism for mass consumption. There are, of course, many others who are serious about meaningful learning, engaged community, personal transformation, social justice and spiritual growth. But because each of these is a niche play, all of them tend to lose out to Jewish Wal-Marts, which sacrifice depth for breadth — or, worse yet, Jewish cheerleaders whose hoorays for our tribe/state/religion/social class fall on increasingly deaf ears. Maybe if we gave our unaffiliated audience a little more credit, we’d look a little less desperate, a little less eager to hawk our latest wares. But we don’t do that, usually; we’re told that the best way to sell Judaism is the way we sell dishwashers: Keep it Simple, Stupid. Well, maybe the unaffiliated are too smart for us.
But most of all, what I like about the word “unaffiliated,” even though I have no right to claim it for myself, is how it suggests a certain kind of nonstickiness — a lightness, perhaps, that befits both our cultural moment and the spiritual virtues of openness, surrender and compassion. On such a path, identities, Jewish and otherwise, are as much obstacle as aid. Unaffiliated-ness, on the other hand, is nimble. As a semiprofessional Jew, I understand that nimbleness does not a continuous community make; I have seen the numbers, and I get it. But in my own heart, I’m ambivalent about the implications of being “affiliated.” Connected, yes; nourished, often; not to mention inspired, provoked, informed and reminded. But if I had to choose, I think I affiliate more with the unaffiliated.
I work in the "affiliated" world, albeit serving the more secularized and cosmopolitan population the writer describes as unaffiliated. We should recall that most American Jews affiliate or use the "affiliated" world at some point: to educate their children, or to find a rabbi to marry them or to bury someone they love. But they either don't see any benefit to or just don't care to support their "drive-through" institutions in between their personal uses; without that support, these institutions won't be around when they are needed. People I meet are pleased to find a secular or Humanistic officiant for their ceremony, but they don't always see that it takes a dedicated community for that role to exist. If you don't like the affiliation options, don't give up - make something new, exciting and meaningful! There are even homes for secular cosmopolitan Jews in the Jewish world. Rabbi Adam Chalom, Ph. D. Rabbi, Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation - www.KolHadash.com Dean, International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism, North America - www.iishj.org
I have been a Jewish professional and, as such, learned about the power of fund raising which is what it's all about. To affiliate is to write a never ending series of checks. And to get you to write those checks the synagogues and the federations have a wide variety of never ending fund raisers. As always, the richest give the most and so are courted and rewarded with the choice leadership positions. That these positions are largely meaningless is lost upon those whose egos are being stroked. On the so-called professional side the MSW's who actually run the federations, and their staffs, siphon of millions of dollars in salaries and benefits, dollars that could and should go to worthy causes at home and abroad. What many of us realize is that we can be charitable, spiritual and very Jewish without the trappings of the synagogue and definitely without the superficial hypocrisy of Jewish federations.
Dear Robin, Your anguish touches my compassion. From your name I assume your father is a Jew and your mother is not. Judaism does not do 'halves' as do the Nurenberg laws. From the times of Solomon we do not divide people in halves. You are all a Jew, or a perfectly whole non-Jew, albeit with a soft spot for Judaism, and a singular rubber-necked view into the world of Judaism. Conversion would be an option, but it is not necessary to be a whole human being. Just be our friend. It is more than enough. From a mother of a 'whole' Jew, who also enjoys and suffers from an identity which is also 'divided', but not from our court.
About Barbara Boxer being a cosmopolitan Jew, you need to check her campaign donatiions from AIPAC vis-a-vis her resistance to a position, widely held in the unaffiliated Jewish community, that an aggressive move toward tackling a just and secure peace between Israel and the Palestians is at the top of the list. She did not sign on to the Feinstein-Lugar resolution calling for serious peace negotiatiions between the two parties. Jewish peace groups lobbied her and she has consistently resisted. The impact of AIPAC with their significant money influence on politicians in Congress distorts the real spectrum of opinion here in the U. S. regardng what affiliated and yes, unaffiliated Jews, consider to be their key issue as Jews in this day and age.
Good food for thought Jay. I think, however, especially in the south and in rural areas, it's very important to stand up and be counted.
Dear Jay: I greatly enjoyed your article, and it makes valuable points. But I'd like to offer an additional, corective perspective. When you speak of Jewish organizations getting lots of money to reach the unaffiliated, those are not "outreach" projects -- those are "inreach" projects, mostly directed at Jews already in our communities, but on the fringes -- sending them on prepaid Israel trips or funding young adult cultural magazines or persuading 20something Jews to live with Jewish roomates in subsidized housing -- praiseworthy endeavors, but not really directed to the truly unaffiliated -- those outside of our communities. You say that Jewish organizations which prominently feature outreach to the unaffiliated are getting generous funding -- that is, regrettably not true for organizations doing outreach to interfaith families, one of our largest categories of "unaffiliated." For example, I am on close terms with several major Jewish interfaith family outreach organizations, who have told me that they have fight pretty hard to get even small grants from Jewish funders. They apparently have to struggle for funding for every extra staff person and web page. These are orgnizations with long, successful, well-documented track records of persuading interfaith couples to create Jewish homes, and raise their kids as Jews. Nationwide, despite all the complaints from Jewish secular organizations and the religious denominations about intermarriage and assimilation, less than one percent -- that's right -- less than one percent of all Federation budgets are spent on interfaith family outreach. The Boston federation, which has had the most success in working with interfaith families on raising their kids as Jews, spends slightly more than one percent of its budget on interfaith families. This is crazy -- if you want to bring in a large group of people, a bit more than one percent of your budget has to be spent on bringing them in. As the Coordinator of the Half-Jewish Network, the largest organization for adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage, I can attest that I am virtually alone in my outreach to a global population that is estimated to number over 300,000 in the U.S., at least 300,000 in Israel, and many thousands elsewhere in the world. I and the other people in the Half-Jewish Network are doing this work as volunteers -- no Jewish donors will put any real money into outreaching adult children of intermarriage, except for a few tiny pilot projects,that are under-publicized, given insufficient staff and financing, and predictably produce modest results. Even worse, the adult children of intermarriage, including those in the U.S., uniformly report to me that they are routinely rebuffed and rejected by many Jewish institutions and Jewish clergy. That's right -- they are literally prevented from affiliating with Jewish secular and religious institutions, under a variety of pretexts. This includes many non-Orthodox organizations and shuls, which officially have welcoming policies for interfaith couples -- but not for adult descendants of intermarriage. Many American Jewish institutions apparently believe that having weak, poorly-funded, under-staffed 'outreach' projects for interfaith couples is enough -- sometimes only one or two overworked, underpaid staff person or contract employee for an entire federation or shul -- and they express surprise when I urge them to specifically outreach adult children of intermarriage and the parents of interfaith couples. These same Jewish institutions fill our news media with outcries about their declining memberships, and the huge percentages of unaffiliated Jews. But by devoting very small amounts of money and staff time to outreaching interfaith couples, and almost no outreach to adult children of intermarriage and parents of interfaith couples, they are contributing to their own escalating membership losses. Cordially, Robin Margolis Coordinator, Half-Jewish Network www.half-jewish.net
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