Forward.com

I couldn't agree more! I've always said we should welcome all those who feel that they want to be Jewish. Just as we don't want to be excluded, we shouldn't exclude others. Having been born in Nazi Germany, I speak from experience. Bravo for your article!

There are good points made here by both Mr. Bronfman and his detractors. The real challenge is that if we embrace Bronfman's "New Inclusivity" we will, as a Jewish community, pay very high prices in the way of accommodating all of these "Half Way Covenant" families he feels should be welcomed. I can tell you, as someone, who has taught in supplementary Jewish religious schools for two decades now, that congregations with significant numbers of intermarried families bring a variety of special problems to the table that doesn't make it easy for the staff trying to serve them.

My experience is similar to Adam's. My wife was not Jewish until several years after we married. She was accepted graciously by our small Reform congregation, which facilitated her eventual conversion. Within a few years, my wife became President of our congregation. Both children-- hers from previous marriage and ours together-- have unequivocal Jewish identity-- one went to Brandeis. In contrast, when a business associate of mine, who was Jewish but married a non-Jew, tried to enroll his children in the Jewish Day School, they were rejected. As a result, he and his wife were alienated, and the 4 children from that marriage were raised without any Jewish identity. Acceptance by the Jewish community forms a "gradual ramp" into Jewish identity. Questioning the qualifications and motives of those tentatively seeking to enter the community slams the door.

It is interesting that Bronfman's grandfather started an organization to bring Jews to Judaism and that Bronfman turned out to be the "Accidental Jew". If not for his wife he would probably have no ties to his Jewish heritage.

Nice words from a goy

A really wonderful article.

I feel bad for Adam yet there is only one answer. A Jew is one who has a Jewish soul. Neither I nor Adam Bronfman know anything about Jewish souls. Only an absolute authority, the Torah, can dictate how one attains a Jewish soul: A Jewish mother or Orthodox conversion. Its 100% the fault of Adam's parents who did not give Adam a Jewish education. The only way to rectify it is by giving our children a clear education about their rich history. Anyone disagree?

"I broke the rules, so change them." Great attitude.

Dear Friends: As the Coordinator of the Half-Jewish Network, an international organization for adult descendants of intermarriage, I can attest that every word of Mr. Bronfman's article is correct. To those who posted expressing skepticism about welcoming interfaith families, I must point out that at least 45% of all Jewish-identified college students are now adult children of intermarriage. They will be the majority of American Jews by the year 2040. We must not push away our future. Sincerely, Robin Margolis www.half-jewish.net

Alas, it is attitudes held by people such as "Ann" that will do more harm to the Jewish community. Any community that embraces such a hateful attitude will surely smother itself. Intermarriage is not "leaving" being Jewish. Who you marry has nothing to do with how "Jewish" you are. Kicking out those who intermarry, or only accepting non-Jewish spouses on the condition of conversion, simply fosters a community that is insular and isolationist. And such a community cannot thrive.

I'm sadden by so many of the comments here. Have you never heard that love is blind? Teaching your children to only marry Jews? Being critical of a man that followed his heart and judging thousands of couples who intermarry? That's not only sad, but isolating and unfair. I married for love, and I pray my children are lucky enough to do the same, no matter the race, religion or gender of their partner. Conversations such as this one only make me doubt raising my children as Jewish.

An "Outsider" who wants to be accepted by the "Insiders." What a dilema? Who is on the "Inside" and who are on the "Outside!" I don't know....anymore! shmuel h'kohane

You should go to real synagogues like the Conservatives or Orthodox ones. Many of the places you describe could have a crucifix in their synagogues and no one would know the difference. Instead of making Jews feel welcome they're going out of their way for Gentiles who for the most part have no intention of converting to Judaism. How pathetic! You should join real Jewish communities to be part of and leave the frauds alone because the Reform and Recontrucionists, whatever that is, are declining in numbers everyday because of their suicidal acceptance of intermarriage. When you stand for everything ultimately you stand for nothing.

This would seem to lead us to a lively discussion about what the example Torah gives us. How, for example, did a despised people like the Moabites yield Ruth who, in the “blink of an eye” became a member of Israel (there were no conversion classes mentioned in my Torah) and has the august place as great grandmother to King David. And what about all the goyim (people from the nations) who traveled with Israel and became part of her without any rabbi’s involved. Pretty radical stuff. Perhaps this should lead to a discussion of the difference between being Jewish and being part of Israel.

Instead of criticizing Adam we should celebrate his commitment to the future of the Jewish people. We as a community must embrace anyone at anytime who want to be part of our mosaic of Jewish life. Experience shows that when we embrace a partner of other faiths it actually allows an easier transition into Jewish life for the WHOLE family. I have heard Adam speak several times around the country and appluad his willingness to stand up and lead! Our communities need less rhetoric and more action and engagement at all levels. Shana Tova to all!

What it really comes down to is embedding a sense of pride and love for fellow jews so that we will go out of our way to find another jew to be our mate. Unfortunately, in my experience of dating secular and reformed jews, there is such ignorance about judiasm, self hate, anger and negativity. As a product of intermarriage, I have been learning through orthodox programs, as none of my reform friends that had a jewish education seems to know what we believe in. It's refreshing to hear jewish men who actually speak positive about jewish women, instead of listening to a reform jew sit there and complain the whole time about jewish women. Parents, make sure you highlight the strengths and beauty of the jewish people. When you instill a sense of honor and warmth in your sons for jewish women rather then demanding that they marry jewish you will see a person who would not even think of looking outside the tribe. These days more then ever we seem to accomodate everyone else more then the real traditions of G-D and our people.

Thanks NYC for your words of wisdom. I printed your comments and will pass them around for the several self-hating Jews that I personally know. If Jews accept "everything" and "anything" to accomodate others what will happen is that in the end we will end up standing for nothing.

"Because my wife and I were embraced, our children also have the distinction of being at Sinai. They are proud and engaged Jews." I bet they embraced you all right. Who wouldn't want a BRONFMAN in their midst? You're right, without the name (i.e. the money) you'd be just another slogger, a mere liquor salesman. "I am Dr. Chiquonphatt with the Zurg Institute. And you, what do you do?" "Me, I own a liquor store." "Hmmm, how interesting ... Well, enjoy yourself and maybe we'll meet again (shudder)." But I don't want to rain on your parade. I know that you and your foundation are big-time philantropists and that's a good thing. I wonder if in the future there will come a Jewish Maecenas whose wealth is founded on the production and sale of marijuana? After all, your founder made his fortune during the American alcohol prohibition, no? Today he might even have been called a "drug kingpin" with the DEA clamoring for his extradition. O tempora, o mores ...

There are aso many ignorant comments here on Judiasm's atittude toward interfaith families. The individuals who intermarry must show that their spouses will make the effort to convert. A non-Jewish mother can't raise real Jewish children, end of story. Judiasm shouldn't have to lower it's standards to become more acceptable to Gentiles or it will spell the edn of Judaism. Robin, Your comments are ridicoulous and false. The majority of Jews in the future will be Orthodox Jews since their intermarriage rate is 3%. The vast majority of children from intermarried marriages will marry Gentiles and 90% of their children won't have any Jewish identity. They will dfeniatley won't be part of the Jewish community. You're wrong like always. You know nothing about Judaism or it's future.

Ann speaks of "interfaith families". It is very strange since such a large proportion of American Jews are quite irreligious. "Faith" is not really a central aspect of life, surely not a central aspect in the lives of those who are intermarrying. The American Jewish experience has redefined "Jewishness" as religion, not peoplehood. The challenge for American Jewish educators is to re-establish the Jewish experience as a peoplehood identity as well. As long as one's primary identity (peoplehood) is "American", leaving "Jewish" as merely a marginal (religious) identity for a basically irreligious population - the struggle for in-marriage will remain a hopeless battle. For decades, the ambition of American Jewry was to Americanize - and the Forward, for example, took pride in its call to Yiddish speaking Jews to adopt the American identity. The final "success" of this social process is also the very essence of the failure of American Jewry: The sense of distinctiveness has evaporated.

This is a difficult issue -- our numbers are so small that we don't want to lose any more Jews; on the other hand, intermarriage leads frequently to children who are, at best, conflicted about whether they're Jews and, at worst, completely non-Jewish in spirit and identity. I come out on discouraging intermarriage. For example, my children will be taught from an early age not to even go on dates with non-Jews (as I was). Of course, at some point, they'll make their own decisions but hopefully I'll have given them a strong-enough identity that they won't want to intermarry.

I don't know what kind of Jewish institutions you are talking about, buy you obviously are not talking about Reform or Reconstructionist Judaism. Both of those branches bend over backwards to accept the non-Jewish spouse of a Jewish person. There are intermarriage groups, workshops for intermarried couples, Shabbat services welcoming intermarried couples, adult education classes for intermarried couples and on and on. As long as you are complaining, let me complain a bit. The intermarried Jewish couples I've been around in Reform and Reconstructionist circles are far more accepted (perhaps because they are coming up with offspring) than are single women (as am I). How ironic--where are the single Jewish men that I might marry? Perhaps busy marrying non-Jewish women. So, stop yer bellyachin' and find the outreach committee of ANY Reform or Reconstructionist synagogue. I can't speak to the other two branches of Judaism, as I have little experience there.

Adam, go into www.shj.org and find a Jewish community that will welcome you and your family without reserve.

Beautifully spoken. Amen, brother Adam. Best wishes from Jerusalem.

Now I understand the reasons why Adam Bronfman holds some views I detest. The only reason he was able to have a Jewish household is because his wife finally converted to Judaism. Most non-Jewish intermarried spouses don't. A Gentile mother can't properly raise a Jewish child just as a Budhist can't properly raise a Mormon child. Adam is wrong when he states that the Jewish community has been too closed for non-Jews, the situation is the exact opposite. The Jewish community has been too accepting of intermarried couples and that has led to most children of intermarriages having a minimal Jewish identity. And 90% of their children will have no Jewish identity. We should awlays encourage Jews to marry in, it's a shame that Adam wasn't, but if they don't they should have to show that they want to be part of the Jewish community and encourage their spouses to convert. The Jewish community has already been Gentilized enough without having to beg intermarried Jews to stay Jewish. If they leave that's their choice.

Rip Rap and Mary are totally clueless about the meaning of Judaism and what intermarriage is. Judiasm should open it's arms to anyone who wants to convert and I know several individuals who have. I applaud Adam's wife for converting which made it possible to raise Jewish children. It wouldn't be possible to do that without converting. Not wanting the Jewish community to become extinct is NOT BEING HATEFUL! Intermarriage is destroying the Jewish community all over the world. The Jewish community had been thriving for thousands of years all over the world because in the past intermarriage was rare. Rip Rap wants Judaism to become less Jewish and more Gentilized which I find anti-semitic. Judiasm shouldn't have to change for anyone no matter what anti-semitics like Rip Rap and Mary think. To Mary; It's obvious by your name that you're not Jewish so it would be impossible to raise your children Jewish if you haven't converted. A Mormon can't raise a Muslim child just like a Christian can't raise a Jewish child. There's nothing wrong with teaching our children to marry Jews because WE ARE PROUD OF OUR TRADITIONS AND CULTURE AND DON'T WANT THEM TO DIE OUT! Millions and millions of Jews were wiped out by the Holocaust, pogoms, forced conversions, anti-Jewish massacres so excuse me if I and other Jews are sensitive about the declining numbers of our people. You don't understand because you are not Jewish and you don't care if Judaism disappears. I couldn't care less if you don't raise your children as Jews because it's obvious you are ignorant about Judaism.

Hi,I agree that we should welcome everyone. I was born in 1940 . My mother came from an Orthodox family which escaped from Vienna .. She said that some in the family, considered us to be dead because my father was a Gentile. This was a terrible blow to my mother. However, my widowed grandmother who otherwise obeyed all the laws, took us in...Long story. ...She was kind, loving, wise,brave and generous; how we all should try to be.