The Blackmail Mess at CBS
Graphic by Angelie Zaslavsky
NEWS ITEM: David Letterman, host of CBS’s “Late Show,” shocked his national audience by announcing he had engaged in sex with some of his program’s female employees and that a CBS producer had tried to extort $2 million from him by threatening to reveal those indiscretions.
Dave Letterman, who makes us laugh,
Has close relations with his staff.
They give their boss complete support,
And sometimes with him they cavort.
(’Twas on his show did Dave confess
This secret — right on CBS!)
A colleague tried to blackmail Dave,
Who tattled then and called him knave.
Two million bucks the latter sought
To maintain silence — ‘all for naught:
They placed him under lock and key
On charges of grand larceny.
Before a judge, in self-defense,
He loudly swore his innocence.
He won release by posting bail,
And presently is out of jail.
Will paramours feel free to rave
About the prowess of our Dave?
Or will they opt to bite their tongue,
So’s not by tabloids to be stung?
We’re wondering with whom he slept:
How come at this he’s so adept?
His savoir-faire this thought provokes:
Did he make out by making jokes?
Seduction is an act of skill,
And he who wants to do it, will.
At poking fun, nobody can
Surpass our David Letterman.
As for TV fans, everyone
Now seems convinced that poking’s fun.
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