Shake Hizzoner’s Hand!
Graphic by Angelie Zaslavsky
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Have you ever wanted to look and feel important for at least one brief second, no matter how little you deserve it?
This is your chance! For a mere $50, for a limited time only, you too can Shake Mayor Bloomberg’s Hand – and have the picture to prove it!
We know what you’re thinking. “No, not me. Shaking hands with the Mayor of New York City – that’s for important people. Me, I’m just a dull, google-eyed schmuck. Never happen.”
Well you’re wrong, you dumb schmuck! Why? Because New York City is facing a budget crisis. Again. (Note: Not the Mayor’s fault. He’s a highly successful businessman who would be ideal to lead us back from the brink of economic ruin.) We’re desperate for cash – we’d sell a kidney for cash. If a city could turn tricks for money, the Big Apple would be flat on its back.
So to raise emergency funds, Mayor Bloomberg is committing to shake the hand of anybody – absolutely anybody – for $50, cash money.
Take advantage now, before the Mayor re-ups his standard! Compensate for a life of mediocrity today, with proof that nobody can ever take away from you!
Hand over the cash. Shake hands and smile. Walk away happy.
It’s that simple.
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